photo: cc // stuck in customs
There are some roads we really don't need to travel down, some horizons we absolutely don't have to set off to explore.
There are others, though, that we really ought to taste and try, even if all we do at the end is return to our original environment with a much greater sense of appreciation.
Some educations can only be had through practical experience.
Theory really won't teach you anything.
~J. Cainer
photo: cc // k-girl
added to my playlist today before my run. one of my favorite songs from The Cure...
Just Like Heaven
~The Cure
show me
show me
show me
how you do that trick
the one that makes me scream
she said
the one that makes me laugh
she said
and threw her arms around my neck
(you like the linkbait title? ah ha ha. it worked didn't it? you're reading this.)
Last month, I went with Viv and Mona down to the NOH8 Campaign's shoot at OC Pride.
I then came home and told you why this cause means a lot to me.
Mona also wrote about why it was important to her.
All the fun pictures we've shared so far were taken from our own cameras.
So cool to see that the actual shot that Adam Bouska took for the campaign is now up!
*Be sure to check out the video interview of Adam my friend Shira of CBSNews.com recently did here.
i spent a good bunch of time yesterday
on the phone with a friend
talking about nothing in particular
two insanely crazy busy people
talking about nothing in particular
i think people should talk about nothing in particular more often.
those make the best conversations imho.
reminded me of high school
...and randomly made me nostalgic for my old hello kitty telephone.
photo: CC // the camera is a toy
So I got a call yesterday from a good friend of mine.
He needed some advice that included a big choice to make.
I gave him a good half hour of the advice part. The choice was still up to him.
And without getting into the details of our conversation
I did leave him with three things to keep in mind.
Be honest with your feelings.
Never leave anything on the table.
Always err on the side of love.
I know, some oddly optimistic advice coming from someone who doesn't have much of a track record on this stuff lately.
Despite -- or maybe because of -- all the crap I've gone through in my own life, I still believe in these simple rules for myself. I say myself because you can't always help who you fall in love with or how they will react to how you feel but I reached a point in my life recently where I am always honest with my feelings, I never leave anything on the table and I always err on the side of following my heart. Even if it takes me places I didn't want to end up in. It's always worth it.
So anyways...
I get a text message this morning that made me smile.
All I got to say is, if these two get married down the not so long road...
I won't take the credit for it.
But I at least better get a wedding invite out of it
and when I do, I'm going to be that pushy friend who asks the DJ to play this song.
Because it's Jack Johnson. And he knows what's up.
Better Together
~Jack Johnson
There's no combination of words
I could put on the back of a postcard
No song that I could sing
But I can try for your heart
Our dreams, and they are made out of real things
Like a, shoebox of photographs
With sepiatone loving
Love is the answer,
At least for most of the questions in my heart
Like why are we here? And where do we go?
And how come it's so hard?
It's not always easy and
Sometimes life can be deceiving
I'll tell you one thing it's always better when we're together
photo: cc // pattyequalsawesome
i had one of these days today.
i need to write about it so i can look back a few months from now and say "yea, i remember that day. it was pretty messed up. glad i'm in a better space now" this is going to be that kind of blog post. for me. feel free to read along and relate ...or not.
i found out this morning that my uncle's lung cancer was back. he fought it 3 years ago and came out of the surgery and chemo treatments looking like he had aged a decade. i was glad to see him recover. he was just at my son's 5th birthday party the other day too. this is the kind of shit life throws that i hate. my thoughts are with my aunt and cousin and best wishes with my uncle that he gets through this fight again.
i already know that this time of year gets kind of funky for me. it always starts with Labor Day weekend. my mind wanders back and forth between the happiness of my son's birth and the missing auntie of his who got married during Labor Day weekend the year before and then took her own life a month after.
then there's National Suicide Prevention Week. it's this week. each year it gets easier to deal with ...and as it gets easier to deal with, i find myself making use of the strength built on top of the scar tissue and find myself wanting to do my little part to send out some awareness messages about suicide.
so i send this tweet out with a link to a good Huffington Post post on how to help save a young life from suicide. I usually get some good retweets from really great people who spread the word -- and feel good about doing my little part to raise a bit of awareness. no big deal right?
but then i get a reply from a nice woman just a minute after that tweet and she says "@christinelu I lost my 12 year old daughter... It means so much to have all this awareness... God bless xx" -- and i lost it. started fucking crying. 12 year old daughter. i can't stand it. can you imagine? i can't. but many of us are parents with young children. can you imagine losing your 12 year old daughter in this way? my already emotional train wreck of a day got really really sad when reading that.
so i went for a run. i loved it. i put an Imogen Heap song on repeat for an hour and just ran. 6 miles today. it was good for me. some people can sit still in one place and meditate. i need to move. in the process of challenging myself to run a marathon this year, i've picked up my own version of meditiation. a lot of things that have been weighing on me lately usually get a bit of clarity or worked out following one of these runs.
the good thing is, days like this remind me that all the other stuff i've been stressing out over is really small stupid shit in the big scheme of things. the startup i'm excited about is just a startup i'm excited about. the money that i need to make to support myself and my son ...is just money that can be made when it needs to be made. and i've been doing a pretty good job at it since the divorce. and the silly summer crush i had on a guy i don't really know is just a silly crush i had on a guy who doesn't really know me. so there you go. little things in life solved from a 6 mile run.
so i get back from my run and get pulled into some extended family issues in Taiwan that i was hoping to avoid getting involved with. i realized today i had no choice. my mom needs my help. if you ever want to understand why i don't care about money, just remind me to share the story of how it destroyed my family in Taiwan over the last few decades. seriously sad.
and then there's my mom. if you think this time of year is bad on me, you only need to look at my mom. it's really sad actually. she still hasn't forgiven herself all these years. she thinks she pushed my sister to the brink of burnout at age 30. which is ridiculous. but it's hard to get through to her when she's feeling this way. every year i have to remind her that she's got 3 other kids (me included) who are alive, doing well and need her to try and find some balance and peace when all is said and done. it's really hard though. there are some things that i believe you can never fully heal from. losing a child to suicide the way my mom lost my sister is one of them.
so anyways, before you go thinking i'm a big bucket of tears. i'm fine. it's just one of those days. we all have them and we should be allowed to ride it out and let it take us where we need to go sometimes.
i had one of these days today.
this is such an awesome song. i had it on repeat part of the day while procrastinating on my project. reminds me of someone. then again, a lot of songs have that effect on people yea?
Hide and Seek
~Imogen Heap
where are we?
what the hell is going on?
the dust has only just begun to form
crop circles in the carpet
sinking feeling
...so i'm sitting here with a big cup of green tea and my son's leftover birthday cake still working on these 8 pages. I think they had a feeling some of us would run into a bit of writer's block. Just re-read this little note that came with the kit that was mailed to me. The shot in the arm I needed for my procrastination.
So while I keep working on getting this done, I don't think I'm giving anything away by sharing it. It's a nice read. So here ya go...
For Those Who Inscribe
"When we create, when we work for the new or push ourselves ahead in search of fulfillment and change, we do so in a collective progress. Then, we step into the unknown together, ready to shape what's coming.
Innovators, change-agents, artists, creative thinkers and progressives are the culmination of so many influential and inspiring people who have come before and opened our eyes to other worlds of thought. We look to our mentors, teachers, and peers who continually build us into citizens of the planet.
We walk with their energy and then add our own. We, in turn, become mediums of what's possible.
In sharing the expression of your talents, experiences and the difference you've made within these pages, by describing who has influenced you and pushed you to be who you are, you also tell us who we are.
And thus, you inspire in us the passion to take action, have impact, find responsibility, help others, and move forward in the mutual endeavor of shaping what's to come."
photo: cc // Ashley Rose
A few weeks ago, I was sitting on an airplane about to take off for Honolulu when I get an email that says a bunch of stuff including this:
"You have been hand selected to be one of just 12 women in the US to contribute to [the project] due to your involvement and leadership in shaping future global business and forums to express open thinking, trade and ideas...
...[the project] will be displayed and shared at a gallery event at the inaugural TEDWomen’s Conference in Washington, D.C. in December. "
Pretty awesome huh?
When I got back from San Francisco on Wednesday there was a package with 8 big blank pages waiting for me to fill with people who have influenced me. People who have had a big impact on my life and helped me become whoever it is I am right now.
Pretty intense. Makes you all reflective and stuff.
So as I work to finish this by tomorrow, I've had a few moments along the way where my face gets all messy because I think about how proud my sister would be of me if she was still here.
At the same time I know I wouldn't have been selected for something like this if she was still alive.
Why? Because a big part of how I live my life today is influenced by her death.
The life I was meant to live began the day she ended hers.
How bittersweet and ironic.
Well you've done done me and you bet I felt it
I tried to be chill but you're so hot that I melted
I fell right through the cracks
and now I'm trying to get back
Before the cool done run out
I'll be giving it my bestest
Nothing's going to stop me but divine intervention
I reckon its again my turn to win some or learn some
